A Journey of Liberation and Gratitude

Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing ~ Unknown

The trip to Cambodia had been a meaningful and soul-touching experience for me. Perhaps, this entry won't make much sense to anyone in any coherent form of narration; but while it will be a bonus to have like-minded people to share your journey with, what matters more is that I am able to appreciate and live this for myself - when it is my own trip of love, liberation and gratitude.

Interestingly, much of what I have learnt during a 8-day retreat at Hariharalaya Retreat Centre in Siem Reap are more deeply felt and comprehended during a 4-day excursion of Cambodia as I moved on to further explore the country after I left the retreat centre. Life is an echo; what you send out comes back. This is certainly a lifetime experience for me to remember, and to treasure.




Kobi and Pazit, a beautiful couple from Jerusalem, Israel

 

I met this beautiful couple when I was at Hariharalaya Retreat Centre. They are both teachers at the centre and I had the honour to work with them together as a couple and separately as an individual. Kobi has the spirit of a sweet, innocent boy in him which I absolutely adore; while Pazit carries a kind, loving and motherly presence to every spirit she touches. As an individual, they are strong and complement each other; as a couple, they embody a kind of love I long to have as they glow in the connection they share.

We must be our own before we can be another's. Be with someone that makes you happy.  What you seek is seeking you. Allow yourself to feel vulerable to love again, and yet be strengthen by it. 

Sophea and me, at Battambang

The stay at Battambang was memorable and special in its own way, with Sophea driving me around to see the local charms of a town once administered as part of the colony of French Indochina. While it was intriguing for me to see the architecture in the once French colonial town, it was also just as fascinating to see how Sophea immersed himself in the beauty of the buildings as a local. It made me realise that thinking of all the beauty still left around you can be a happy thing in itself.

It is in this quiet yet lively town that I saw the most beautiful night sky of stars and had an enlightening moment of liberation. I remembered searching for stars on my first night at Battambang. Looking up, I smiled to see the twinkling stars above me. But as I stepped back and tilted my head just an inch further, I saw more stars and discover what seems to be the whole universe of stars... In this brief, releasing moment, I suddenly realised that as long as we are willing to take a step back, there will be a bigger world in front of us.

There is no need to hold on to things that do not serve a higher purpose in your life. Opportunities and possibilities are infinite and boundless, if only you allow yourself to search and look at them. The only chains you have are the ones you tied yourself down with. There is something waiting and better which you have yet seen beyond the horizon. Let go, and allow yourself to venture and explore into the unknown.

Let go also of friends or influences that you know are dragging you down. Trust the Universe to bring the right people and connections across your path. Let go of wrong relationships and move forward in the blessings that the Universe has prepared for you. The Universe will always bring the right people into your life, but you have to let the wrong people walk away.

The sense of liberation continued on the next day when I took a ride the bamboo train that was unique and distinctive to Battambang. I relaxed myself to the light, soft wind that brushed against our faces amidst the green fields and vast, blue sky. There was a sense of freedom and riddance I never felt before. I imagined myself letting go of my worries, my fears and insecurities into the breeze, opening myself to the soft embrace of the wind and letting it  carried away the emotional baggage and heartache that I had been holding in my heart...

Breathe freely and fully. Relax and let life flow through you with ease. Know that everything happens for a reason. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. Rejection can be a blessing in disguise and God's way of saying "wrong direction".  Stay in this moment, but always remember the present situation is not your final destination. The best is yet to come.



Kbal Spean, River of Thousand Lingas, is an intricately carved riverbed in the foothills of the Cambodian forest.
 

We trekked up a 1,500 metres trail (okay, Sophea monkeyed his way swiftly uphill while I followed behind him like an awkward bear with struggled footsteps) to enter into the midst of a forest where cool water rushes over a skilfully carved river bed, known as Kbal Spean or the 'River of a Thousand Lingas'. The phallic symbols of fertility have been shaped into the rocks along with carvings of deities under a set of rapids. When Sophea pointed out to me the stone carvings of Lord Vishnu in a reclining repose lying on the serpent god Ananta, with Goddess Lakshmi at his feet and Lord Brahma on a lotus petal at the river bank, my heart couldn't help but gave a little jump.

I read of Goddess Lakshmi during my retreat at the centre. In the book, it was said that Goddess Lakshmi's true mission is to bring eternal happiness to Earth, by helping us find meaningful careers that bring about handsome rewards, including personal fulfilment. She knows that wealth, in and of itself, is not enough to create lasting happiness - it must be accompanied by spirituality and a feeling of accomplishment. So Goddess Lakshmi may lead us to our life's work, which will create joy and abundance for ourselves and others.

It was something that struck a cord in my heart, as I think of the current job that I am holding and keep me living, but not truly alive. My heart yearns for a job that is more meaningful and fulfilling. Even though I still do not know how to get there yet, the knowledge that Goddess Lakshmi was in close proximity despite being in an outlying, distant forest brought comfort that my prayers are heard by the Universe.

You are loved and supported by the Universe. Be patient. Believe in the power of your dreams. Embrace every possibility. Creation follows after liberation. Keep your faith. Never give up.

On this trip, I also realised that a lot of things that I have experienced happened in a sequence that came in its perfect timing. And you can better appreciate what comes to you when you are receptive and ready for them.

Don't rush anything. When the timing is right, it will happen. Take the time in between to grow, groom and develop yourself. If it's supposed to happen, it will happen - and you will be prepared and ready for it.

 

My Favourite (Temple and Cambodian man)

Beng Mealea, its name meaning "lotus pond", is my favourite site I visited during this trip. As it is in a remote location, it is not as heavily visited like the main temples in Angkor and the secludedness allow a peaceful, tranquil appreciation of its ruins. As a temple that has never been restored, its collapsed stones lie as naturally as the law of gravity had allowed them to fall, untouched by human's efforts of reconstruction or re-arrangements. The rustic and authentic feel of the crumbling, tumbling ruins gave an almost magical and mystical atmosphere to what seemed a forgotten and abandoned oasis.

The opportunity to take a photo of Sophea at Beng Mealea holds a significant meaning that they come together as "My Favourite" (temple and Cambodian man). I met Sophea when I visited Cambodia last year, and by some stroke of luck, we became friends instead of maintaining a mere polite guide-guest relationship. I took an instant liking to the strong, confident man he portrayed with the beautiful English he speaks, and it grows to a brotherly fondness as I hear him articulate Khmer, his native language, in soft and gentle tones.

In another life - somewhere in time, I probably could have been a little fan of his; like how he told me he was once a radio deejay, and I could just imagine how he make people feel soothed and comforted, from listening to him on those nights when you just wished to be alone, by yourself... To me, he is certainly not just an ordinary guide, but a wonderful friend who have touched my heart.

Certain things will just never feel the same again

Seeing a silver Toyota Camry on the road will just never feel the same again, as the heart goes soft with the set of happy memories it has taken me to. I am grateful for all that Sophea had shared with me on this trip - his time, his stories, his big, kind and generous heart; and most of all, I know I am blessed with many good souls I met on my journey in life.

Love surrounds and protects me. The world is safe and friendly. I am safe and secure at all times. I am at peace with life. All is well. Thank you.
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"It's good to leave each day behind, like flowing water, free of sadness. Yesterday is gone and its tale told. Today new seeds are growing. "
~ Rumi

The Moola Mantra

A prayer that adores the great creator and liberator

As I took on this journey,
I had expected it to be
A life-altering epiphany; a total makeover of my present life.

But of all things,
It turned out to be one
Of liberation.

Rediscovering
What works
And what no longer works for me

Releasing
Old patterns
To make way for new habits

Re-affirmations
To let go
Of what no longer serve a purpose.

It is beautiful
That my soul was comforted and soothed
By "The Moola Mantra" during this period.

When its calmness
Brought assurance to an aching heart that,
Everything will come in its good, perfect timing.

That what follows
Liberation
Is Creation.

I close my eyes,
Breathe deeply
And made a note to Self,

"Always remember that your present situation
Is not your final destination.
The best is yet to come."  .
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I looked up and smiled to see the twinkling stars above me.
But as I stepped back and tilted my head just an inch further,
I saw more stars and discover what seems to be the whole universe of stars...

I suddenly felt a sense of liberation and
Had a better appreciation of the Chinese idiom,
"Take a step back, so as to be boundless as the sea and sky".
(退一步, 海阔天空") .

Somewhere Only We Know

Starting 4 July 2013

A few days more to my trip.
And I still remember those moments
When I flickered in between
Excitement, anticipation, fears and doubts.

Excitement - for the new experience;
Anticipation - for a dream come true;
Fears - for the unknown and the risks involved;
Doubts - if I can make it on my own.

It would have been easier to back off,
To stay in my comfort zone.
But there is a little voice that whispered,
"I know I will always have regrets if I don't go this time..."

Isn't there a saying that goes,
"When you want something,
All the Universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."
And so quietly, I asked for guidance from the Universe.

 

Don't Live Your Life In Regrets

 
This came to me on a day
When I am still sitting on the fence over my travel plans.
Upon seeing this, I smiled and finally put my foot down,
As I take it as a sign that it is telling me: To go.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams;
Live the life you’ve imagined.
Don't give in to your fears;
If you do, you won't be able to talk to your heart.

Go with the flow
And let everything unfold as the journey starts.
Safety comes first, but keep an open mind and heart
To enjoy yourself and be willing to try new things.

Go deep within
Reconnect with yourself and trust your inner guide
We all dance all the time
But it is time to dance at the sound of the heart.

So, go it will be.
Yet in between,
The heart turns restless to question,
"What is the purpose of this trip?"

I was afraid
Of the expectations I hold for the trip;
Of the outcome and what is to come next;
And what if, I can't find what I am seeking through this trip...?

Questions revolved in my head like on a merry-go-round;
Toss in the daily grind of self-doubts and spiced with uncertainties,
It sets the perfect recipe for dizziness to set in
As anxiety and worry leading to overall mental confusion.

I felt lost and ready to throw in the towel again


The very answer I need

Just when I felt the knots in my guts tightening
Like a closed water cap being turned even tighter;

I had an "Ah Ha" moment to find this very answer I need,

And felt the build-up pressure leaving me, as the cap "popped" off.

Get the internal GPS system rebooted
And your energy return as will a peaceful inner focus.
Otherwise, it’s hard to get where you’re going
If you don’t know where that is.

I was reminded that

There is no coincidence in this Universe.
God make things happen at the right time.
Including the people you met, the advice they give.

And I just want to say, I am grateful to all. Namaste.
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"Just be, remember to breathe,  give yourself a break, spend time in nature, travel, learn a new language and spend time with family and friends. The importance is to accept life the way it is and that will lead to answers one is seeking."

~ Nicky Sehra, from "When was the Last Time You Took a Spiritual Break"