Wake Up and Live

Sun Salutations: Giving thanks for a new day filled with life-giving light and sustenance

For seven days in a row, one of the first things I had done upon waking up was to roll out my yoga mat in pre-dawn darkness and do the Sun Salutation Challenge as instructed by Shirly.

My spirit had soared to an awe-inspiring state of enlightenment that came with the highs of insights gained for my life and yoga practice over the past seven days from doing the sun salutations. But like on a roller-coaster ride, I was plunged to a rock bottom state of emotional lows that followed when the seven-day challenge came to the end. 

What happen? I could give a few hard reasons, like I was strained out by fatigue - physically, mentally and emotionally - from the going-ons at work; lack of sleep (no, I'm not blaming that fact that I have to wake up earlier than usual for the sun salutations but the admittance that I need to adjust my sleeping hours), and the most eminent culprit: the fear of looking at "What's next?" 

  
From the first day of the Challenge, I had told myself that the reason for doing it is not simply because "Shirly asks me to" - even when it had been the most obvious reason. But I have taken up the Challenge, because in the depth of the heart, I know doing the Challenge is just a prelude to the action steps for the goals I have set for myself. Just as the sun salulations series is a warm-up exercise to the subsequent poses that follow in the Ashtanga Yoga series, doing the Sun Salutation Challenge is the initiator to lighting up the flame of desires that have been (slow-)burning inside me, the wake-up call to the dreams that are awakening up from their deep slumbers...

And most importantly, it is to honour myself - my truth, my goals and my dreams. To really think about what do I want from this point in life going forward - just as what Shirly had told me later, to get to the root of my deepest desires.

I could have easily chose to go back to sleep when I have completed the Sun Salutation Challenge - literally in real life by going back to my sleep routine of waking up to have just enough time to dress up and get ready for work; and metaphorically by going back to sleep on my dreams. But do I really want to do that? A small voice whispered that I probably would not be able to sleep with a peaceful mind even if I want to do so - when the results of a recent blood test revealed that even my body is protesting for a change in the way I have been treating it. And neither am I able to ignore my soul's call for a change, when it has been weeping its deepest anguish and suffering when I am made to confront it these days...

After taking a break on the eighth day since I have started the challenge, I rolled out my mat on the ninth day in its wee morning hours and started on doing the sun salutations. Tired and sleepy as I was feeling, I found my mind clearing up as I finished up the last set of the sun salutation. And as I watched the new day lighting up with the rise of the morning sun, the answer to my question of "What's next?" also dawned on me: Just carry on. With the asanas sequence that follow after the sun salutations. Even if it means I have to wake up another 30 minutes earlier that I am already doing for the sun salutations. 

Wake up, and breathe. Breathe, and live for those dreams that the Universe has in Its cosmic conspiracy; for those dreams that the Universe is still waiting for me to show up, and has yet to given up on me.      
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When I announced on my Facebook page that I would be doing the Sun Salutation Challenge for the next seven days, some friends had come forward to express and rally their support for me. Though I had not been expecting it for doing a small feat (or so, I thought), I was touched and it had come especially meaningful for they are the very same people who have brought much love and inspiration over the past few years in my spiritual practice and growth. 

One of them whom I like to make a special mention is Wendy, a fellow yoga practitioner from my Saturday yoga classes. Not only has she been been following my seven-day Challenge with her quiet and steady moral support, Wendy has gone the extra mile by stepping forward to be my yoga buddy, to be my distant companion and encouragement when doing the full practice that comes after the sun salutations during those dark, early mornings. 

She said, "I will be the candle in your life. I am behind you. Even though we are practising at a different venue and at a different timing (Wendy wakes up MUCH earlier than me for her morning practice!), we know we are each other's support and we light up for each other." 

Wendy's words reminded me of a story in "Aleph", a book by Paulo Coelho. The extract as follows:

“A man called Ali is in need of money and asks his boss to help him. His boss sets him a challenge: if he can spend all night at the top of a mountain, he will receive a great reward; if he fails, he will have to work for free. When he left the shop, Ali noticed that an icy wind was blowing. He felt afraid and decided to ask his best friend, Aydi, if he thought he was mad to accept the wager.  

After considering the matter for a moment Aydi answered, "Don't worry, I'll help you. Tomorrow night, when you're sitting on top of the mountain, look straight ahead. I'll be on top of the mountain opposite, where I'll keep a fire burning all night for you. Look at the fire and think of our friendship, and that will keep you warm. You'll make it through the night, and afterwards, I'll ask you for something in return." 

Ali won the wager, got the money, and went to his friend's house. "You said you wanted some sort of payment in return."  

Aydi said, "Yes, but it isn't money. Promise that if ever a cold wind blows through my life, you will light the fire of friendship for me.” 

And I am so grateful for the fire of friendship from Wendy, as well as those who have lit and guided my path, with the light they shine. 

"May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out."
- J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

The Book Thief (My Heart Whisperer)

There is something about this movie that steals and grips my heart...

The Book Thief

A scene that haunts and hold my heart

And so she did

"Write. In my religion, we are taught that every living thing, every leaf, every bird, is only alive because it contains the secret word for life. That's the only difference between us and a lump of clay: a word. Words are life, Liesel. All these pages, they're for you to fill."
- Max Vandenburg (presenting Liesel with a blank book of pages)
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My computer crashed six months ago and I lost my platform to access my blog to post this entry - which had been the last thing on my mind to write about. Some six months later, it feels good to come back to something that is always to heart. With a new tool which I hope can support and take me closer - step by step - to my dreams and desires. 

Look Back 2013 . Look Ahead 2014

Bow as this teacher exits. It has laced your challenges with soul gifts and set you up for true joy.

 

"As you begin this New Year, remember, there is an Inspired Power within you that can and will support you in anything. Follow your love. Follow your energy. You are worth this lifetime. You are worth more love than you know. You are worthy of miracles."

~ Tama J. Kieves

A Journey of Liberation and Gratitude

Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing ~ Unknown

The trip to Cambodia had been a meaningful and soul-touching experience for me. Perhaps, this entry won't make much sense to anyone in any coherent form of narration; but while it will be a bonus to have like-minded people to share your journey with, what matters more is that I am able to appreciate and live this for myself - when it is my own trip of love, liberation and gratitude.

Interestingly, much of what I have learnt during a 8-day retreat at Hariharalaya Retreat Centre in Siem Reap are more deeply felt and comprehended during a 4-day excursion of Cambodia as I moved on to further explore the country after I left the retreat centre. Life is an echo; what you send out comes back. This is certainly a lifetime experience for me to remember, and to treasure.




Kobi and Pazit, a beautiful couple from Jerusalem, Israel

 

I met this beautiful couple when I was at Hariharalaya Retreat Centre. They are both teachers at the centre and I had the honour to work with them together as a couple and separately as an individual. Kobi has the spirit of a sweet, innocent boy in him which I absolutely adore; while Pazit carries a kind, loving and motherly presence to every spirit she touches. As an individual, they are strong and complement each other; as a couple, they embody a kind of love I long to have as they glow in the connection they share.

We must be our own before we can be another's. Be with someone that makes you happy.  What you seek is seeking you. Allow yourself to feel vulerable to love again, and yet be strengthen by it. 

Sophea and me, at Battambang

The stay at Battambang was memorable and special in its own way, with Sophea driving me around to see the local charms of a town once administered as part of the colony of French Indochina. While it was intriguing for me to see the architecture in the once French colonial town, it was also just as fascinating to see how Sophea immersed himself in the beauty of the buildings as a local. It made me realise that thinking of all the beauty still left around you can be a happy thing in itself.

It is in this quiet yet lively town that I saw the most beautiful night sky of stars and had an enlightening moment of liberation. I remembered searching for stars on my first night at Battambang. Looking up, I smiled to see the twinkling stars above me. But as I stepped back and tilted my head just an inch further, I saw more stars and discover what seems to be the whole universe of stars... In this brief, releasing moment, I suddenly realised that as long as we are willing to take a step back, there will be a bigger world in front of us.

There is no need to hold on to things that do not serve a higher purpose in your life. Opportunities and possibilities are infinite and boundless, if only you allow yourself to search and look at them. The only chains you have are the ones you tied yourself down with. There is something waiting and better which you have yet seen beyond the horizon. Let go, and allow yourself to venture and explore into the unknown.

Let go also of friends or influences that you know are dragging you down. Trust the Universe to bring the right people and connections across your path. Let go of wrong relationships and move forward in the blessings that the Universe has prepared for you. The Universe will always bring the right people into your life, but you have to let the wrong people walk away.

The sense of liberation continued on the next day when I took a ride the bamboo train that was unique and distinctive to Battambang. I relaxed myself to the light, soft wind that brushed against our faces amidst the green fields and vast, blue sky. There was a sense of freedom and riddance I never felt before. I imagined myself letting go of my worries, my fears and insecurities into the breeze, opening myself to the soft embrace of the wind and letting it  carried away the emotional baggage and heartache that I had been holding in my heart...

Breathe freely and fully. Relax and let life flow through you with ease. Know that everything happens for a reason. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. Rejection can be a blessing in disguise and God's way of saying "wrong direction".  Stay in this moment, but always remember the present situation is not your final destination. The best is yet to come.



Kbal Spean, River of Thousand Lingas, is an intricately carved riverbed in the foothills of the Cambodian forest.
 

We trekked up a 1,500 metres trail (okay, Sophea monkeyed his way swiftly uphill while I followed behind him like an awkward bear with struggled footsteps) to enter into the midst of a forest where cool water rushes over a skilfully carved river bed, known as Kbal Spean or the 'River of a Thousand Lingas'. The phallic symbols of fertility have been shaped into the rocks along with carvings of deities under a set of rapids. When Sophea pointed out to me the stone carvings of Lord Vishnu in a reclining repose lying on the serpent god Ananta, with Goddess Lakshmi at his feet and Lord Brahma on a lotus petal at the river bank, my heart couldn't help but gave a little jump.

I read of Goddess Lakshmi during my retreat at the centre. In the book, it was said that Goddess Lakshmi's true mission is to bring eternal happiness to Earth, by helping us find meaningful careers that bring about handsome rewards, including personal fulfilment. She knows that wealth, in and of itself, is not enough to create lasting happiness - it must be accompanied by spirituality and a feeling of accomplishment. So Goddess Lakshmi may lead us to our life's work, which will create joy and abundance for ourselves and others.

It was something that struck a cord in my heart, as I think of the current job that I am holding and keep me living, but not truly alive. My heart yearns for a job that is more meaningful and fulfilling. Even though I still do not know how to get there yet, the knowledge that Goddess Lakshmi was in close proximity despite being in an outlying, distant forest brought comfort that my prayers are heard by the Universe.

You are loved and supported by the Universe. Be patient. Believe in the power of your dreams. Embrace every possibility. Creation follows after liberation. Keep your faith. Never give up.

On this trip, I also realised that a lot of things that I have experienced happened in a sequence that came in its perfect timing. And you can better appreciate what comes to you when you are receptive and ready for them.

Don't rush anything. When the timing is right, it will happen. Take the time in between to grow, groom and develop yourself. If it's supposed to happen, it will happen - and you will be prepared and ready for it.

 

My Favourite (Temple and Cambodian man)

Beng Mealea, its name meaning "lotus pond", is my favourite site I visited during this trip. As it is in a remote location, it is not as heavily visited like the main temples in Angkor and the secludedness allow a peaceful, tranquil appreciation of its ruins. As a temple that has never been restored, its collapsed stones lie as naturally as the law of gravity had allowed them to fall, untouched by human's efforts of reconstruction or re-arrangements. The rustic and authentic feel of the crumbling, tumbling ruins gave an almost magical and mystical atmosphere to what seemed a forgotten and abandoned oasis.

The opportunity to take a photo of Sophea at Beng Mealea holds a significant meaning that they come together as "My Favourite" (temple and Cambodian man). I met Sophea when I visited Cambodia last year, and by some stroke of luck, we became friends instead of maintaining a mere polite guide-guest relationship. I took an instant liking to the strong, confident man he portrayed with the beautiful English he speaks, and it grows to a brotherly fondness as I hear him articulate Khmer, his native language, in soft and gentle tones.

In another life - somewhere in time, I probably could have been a little fan of his; like how he told me he was once a radio deejay, and I could just imagine how he make people feel soothed and comforted, from listening to him on those nights when you just wished to be alone, by yourself... To me, he is certainly not just an ordinary guide, but a wonderful friend who have touched my heart.

Certain things will just never feel the same again

Seeing a silver Toyota Camry on the road will just never feel the same again, as the heart goes soft with the set of happy memories it has taken me to. I am grateful for all that Sophea had shared with me on this trip - his time, his stories, his big, kind and generous heart; and most of all, I know I am blessed with many good souls I met on my journey in life.

Love surrounds and protects me. The world is safe and friendly. I am safe and secure at all times. I am at peace with life. All is well. Thank you.
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"It's good to leave each day behind, like flowing water, free of sadness. Yesterday is gone and its tale told. Today new seeds are growing. "
~ Rumi

The Moola Mantra

A prayer that adores the great creator and liberator

As I took on this journey,
I had expected it to be
A life-altering epiphany; a total makeover of my present life.

But of all things,
It turned out to be one
Of liberation.

Rediscovering
What works
And what no longer works for me

Releasing
Old patterns
To make way for new habits

Re-affirmations
To let go
Of what no longer serve a purpose.

It is beautiful
That my soul was comforted and soothed
By "The Moola Mantra" during this period.

When its calmness
Brought assurance to an aching heart that,
Everything will come in its good, perfect timing.

That what follows
Liberation
Is Creation.

I close my eyes,
Breathe deeply
And made a note to Self,

"Always remember that your present situation
Is not your final destination.
The best is yet to come."  .
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I looked up and smiled to see the twinkling stars above me.
But as I stepped back and tilted my head just an inch further,
I saw more stars and discover what seems to be the whole universe of stars...

I suddenly felt a sense of liberation and
Had a better appreciation of the Chinese idiom,
"Take a step back, so as to be boundless as the sea and sky".
(退一步, 海阔天空") .

Somewhere Only We Know

Starting 4 July 2013

A few days more to my trip.
And I still remember those moments
When I flickered in between
Excitement, anticipation, fears and doubts.

Excitement - for the new experience;
Anticipation - for a dream come true;
Fears - for the unknown and the risks involved;
Doubts - if I can make it on my own.

It would have been easier to back off,
To stay in my comfort zone.
But there is a little voice that whispered,
"I know I will always have regrets if I don't go this time..."

Isn't there a saying that goes,
"When you want something,
All the Universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."
And so quietly, I asked for guidance from the Universe.

 

Don't Live Your Life In Regrets

 
This came to me on a day
When I am still sitting on the fence over my travel plans.
Upon seeing this, I smiled and finally put my foot down,
As I take it as a sign that it is telling me: To go.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams;
Live the life you’ve imagined.
Don't give in to your fears;
If you do, you won't be able to talk to your heart.

Go with the flow
And let everything unfold as the journey starts.
Safety comes first, but keep an open mind and heart
To enjoy yourself and be willing to try new things.

Go deep within
Reconnect with yourself and trust your inner guide
We all dance all the time
But it is time to dance at the sound of the heart.

So, go it will be.
Yet in between,
The heart turns restless to question,
"What is the purpose of this trip?"

I was afraid
Of the expectations I hold for the trip;
Of the outcome and what is to come next;
And what if, I can't find what I am seeking through this trip...?

Questions revolved in my head like on a merry-go-round;
Toss in the daily grind of self-doubts and spiced with uncertainties,
It sets the perfect recipe for dizziness to set in
As anxiety and worry leading to overall mental confusion.

I felt lost and ready to throw in the towel again


The very answer I need

Just when I felt the knots in my guts tightening
Like a closed water cap being turned even tighter;

I had an "Ah Ha" moment to find this very answer I need,

And felt the build-up pressure leaving me, as the cap "popped" off.

Get the internal GPS system rebooted
And your energy return as will a peaceful inner focus.
Otherwise, it’s hard to get where you’re going
If you don’t know where that is.

I was reminded that

There is no coincidence in this Universe.
God make things happen at the right time.
Including the people you met, the advice they give.

And I just want to say, I am grateful to all. Namaste.
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"Just be, remember to breathe,  give yourself a break, spend time in nature, travel, learn a new language and spend time with family and friends. The importance is to accept life the way it is and that will lead to answers one is seeking."

~ Nicky Sehra, from "When was the Last Time You Took a Spiritual Break" 

52 Changes Ahead: For The Ultimate Warrior



The M.A.D Warriors from the Heart -
368 Sun Salutations Pledged, but 460 Sun Salutations COMPLETED!

It is New Year Day, and I like to take a moment to make a recount of 2012, to take stock of what I have experienced, and to gain some understanding of what I have learnt.

One of the most memorable event from 2012 was the participation in the "Warrior from the Heart" Charity Event on 15 December. This event has been inspired by my yoga teacher, Shirly's favourite quotation by Ghandi, "Be The Change You Want To See In The World". She believes that we have the power and ability to make a difference; even a simple yoga practice, when practiced mindfully can affect our lives and the people around us. And to encourage us, the event is also taglined as "60 Minutes - Be The Change You Want To See In Your World".

13 of us took on her call to take part in this event, with a pledge to complete 368 Sun Salutations in an hour. But we went beyond our own expectations and a total of 460 Sun Salutations were completed on the actual event day. We, the Warriors, were all very pleased and proud of ourselves. But more than anything, I am grateful to Shirly, for rousing the "Warrior" within us by organising this event and a chance for us to contribute towards the children of Operation Shanti in Mysore, India.

And much to my own surprise, I was unwittingly crowned "The Ultimate Warrior", for completing 52 - the most number of - Sun Salutations on that day. I had been commended for my efforts, but I always take a moment to credit the "glory" of making the feat possible to those who had supported and spurred me on for this event. I had been truly honored, humbled and touched for the encouragment received during the donation drive. They are the ones who have kept the "Warrior" within me alive and it is amazing to see how far you are willing to go when someone believes in you. 

As I move into 2013, I also took on a reflective moment to see what this activity had led to discover about myself, to look back at the secondary intent of this meaningful cause: Be the Change You Want to See In Your World. My own world. 

I mulled over the Changes I have experienced over the past one year, and deliberated what they each meant to me. For one, I come to understand that Change takes Pain. Change, such as stepping out of my old comfort zone - like using muscles I seldom use - takes me to achieve feats I would not have done otherwise. If we do not accept the pain that comes with the aching muscles that are activated when we build up strength and stamina in our body, nothing happens until the pain of remaining the same outweighs the pain of Change. And that applies to almost everything I want in my life.

Change, such as throwing away old beliefs and fears, brings me to embrace faith and positivity in times of challenges. It lets me come to appreciate that the experiences that challange us the most always lead us to times that are better than we ever imagine.

Change, such as letting go of grudges and hurt, leads to freedom and liberation of many new opportunities that would have otherwise remained unknown. It not only opens up the heart to receive light and optimism, but also teaches me something about not dwelling on misfortunes, learning from mistakes, and believing that every setback will work itself out in the long haul.

And most of all, Change, such as accepting failure and disappointments, allows me to gain courage from going with the flow amidst difficult circumstances. It makes me see that it is not a problem if one door is closing, but it IS a problem if I do not realise that I am being redirected to something so much better.

What's meant to be will always find its way. As I come to terms with this, I also learn to let go of all attachments to things that are not meant to be, to bow out gracefully, to seek a recourse and to eventually believe and accept this tiny voice that always says, I do deserve something better - even if I do not know what it is in the sad moment and face of rejection.

As I embraced 2012 as being exactly as it was meant to be, accept what is and get clear on what I want moving forward, I also ask myself, what more do I want for 2013? The answer seems to come in a uncanny twist of coincidence and fate from an article in Zen Habits today: 52 Changes for 2013.

52? Why does it sound so familiar? Isn't this the number of Sun Salutations I did in "Warrior from the Heart: Be the Change I Want To See in MY World" Charity Event? And 52 Sun Salutations for 52 Changes in 2013? No no no! It is not my intention to make a list of resolutions for the new year! At least, not 52 at one go! I screamed frantically to the Universe.

But the Universe only looks on quietly as if to smile and say, "If this is to help prompt a deeper, more contemplative and authentic path for self-growth and improvement, set this as a intent and process of looking ahead: 52 Changes, in 52 weeks - for the Ultimate Warrior in YOU!".
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2012 has come to a close. When I think of the last year, I am grateful for the love, faith and courage it has inspired. I am ready for 2013 - may it brings on many new, happy things!

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art – write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can... And somewhere in the next year, I hope you surprise yourself."
- Neil Gaiman