Warrior From The Heart

The past one week had been an awesome and enriching experience, since I began "soliciting" for donations for this charity event I am doing with Shirly and other fellow yoga mates on this coming Saturday, 15 December 2012.

How it works:

1. I've pledged to do 30 Sun Salutation within an hour
2. Every Sun Salutation is S$1.00 in donation, i.e. S$30.00 in total
3. Shirly will match S$1.00 for every completed Sun Salutation I - and all the participants - do on 15 Dec (kudos to her!!)

And so an idea sparked that I can start a donation drive for this event through seeking donations for the Sun Salutations I have pledged. I figured this could be in the form of a request that this be my Christmas Gift from my friends this year, when I ask that the monetary amount spent on my gift be donated to this meaningful cause instead. No amount will be too less, for every dollar of  a donation will be a motivational force for me to work towards the number of Sun Salutations I have pledged - even a S$1.00 donation can still go a long way when I'm struggling at my 29th set of Sun Salutation!

This is the first donation drive I have ever done, and I am not sure of how this would go. Issues of pride, confidence and ego were surfaced as I debated on whether or not should I be doing this. What if nobody supports? What if the expectation fall short? Will I hold grudges if so?  What if people think I am so "thick skinned" as to think I am expecting a Christmas gift from them? What if I fail?

But in the end, I decide to just let go of these thoughts and surrender my intent to the Universe. I will start the appeal, and accept what comes. I draw on the faith to always believe something wonderful is coming my way, and that everything I need will come to me at the right time - and that includes support from the right people. 

And I am amazed by how Universe begins to echo my intents. From the first S$2.00 donation I received that kept my hopes up when the initial response was slow, the first S$30.00 donation which deeply touched my heart for the love I feel and the subsequential S$30.00 donations that greatly motivated me to work doubly, triply, quadruply (and then what? I almost lost count!) hard to complete the 30 Sun Salutations I have pledged, to the ultimate jaw-dropping proposal of having S$2.00 donation pledged to every Sun Salutation I do if I can complete 30 sets and S$3.00/sun salutation for the 31st, 32nd, 33rd etc sun salutation (and another friend matching the proposed donations!), I am totally humbled by the generosity and FULL support from friends who have always been close to heart.

My dreams were small but the kind thoughts and blessings I received from these friends have turned them into a big achievement that I have never quite thought it was possible. I am truly grateful. 

The Sun Salutation is a sequence of yoga poses that is fundamental to yoga practitioners, and is completed through a gentle, gradual flow of pose changes controlled by an inhalation or exhalation of breathe. With all the support I receive, not only is a drip of sweat and a moment of perseverance held meaningful for the children of Operation Shanti and myself, but every breath I take for each pose in the Sun Salutation will also be for YOU.

Your donation has been more valuable than any material gift that I ever receive from your kind thoughts this Christmas - for it gives a healthy boost to my self-confidence, self-esteem, and life satisfaction in a way you did not know. It also ignites a sense of accomplishment that I never felt before. And most importantly, it shows me what these - compassion, an open mind, a willingness to do whatever is needed, and a positive attitude - truly mean and FEEL.
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With heart-felt appreciation, NAMASTE (I bow to you)!! *deep, humble bow*

"Sometimes we have to contribute to help other people, but sometimes we need to contribute to help ourselves. When we step into our discomfort zones and contribute beyond ourselves, we grow, we experience the world in a different way, we gain new perspectives from which to be thankful."
- The Minimalists 

Falling Gracefully



"Its OK to fall folks! Laugh over it, and the next moment before you realize, a helping hand is there waiting for you to reach out. Pick up, and be strong! - Satya Yoga, June 2012

It was 5.30am when I woke up - in silence - that morning. There was no alarm clock. No hitting of snooze button. No grogginess. Just the peacefulness of my body waking up of its own accord. I lie in bed, thinking of what I had intended to do: a morning yoga practice. And the old excuses came flooding back: Fatigue, the desire for more sleep and then, the eventual consciousness of the soreness of a bruise that came from an emotional hurt.

It would be easier to pull up the blanket and roll myself back into sleep again. But Megha's words came looming - louder than any alarm clock I own - in my mind: Unless you bring that practice into your daily routine though, the ache that you experienced and the emotional issues you were going through will not go away. In fact your body will be better able to cope with the emotional as well as physical pain with regular yoga practice. 

With a will to free myself from the emotional and physical issues I am dealing with, I heaved myself out of my bed and created a space in my room to unroll and spread out my yoga mat. There was another struggle between the body and the mind as I got ready to start the practice. I did not even want to switch on the lights, ready to crawl back to bed if I decided to stop halfway. Honestly, I was not that confident that I could do this the previous night before, but I was grateful - and amazed - that  I could wake up on my own accord and had a go for the morning practice. "The Universe is supporting you with your intent," I told myself. "Let's get moving."  

So in darkness, I started on my varied sets of sun salutations. It was not that bad, and by the time I finished the first five sets of the sun salutations, I felt the drip of sweat from my forehead in my Adho Mukha Svanasana pose. And as I pushed myself to complete the second set of sun salutations, I wanted to relax directly into Savasana. But a voice said, "No, you can do more than this. Go on." And I continued with the next few poses that I remembered from my weekly practice. However, as these poses did not come as familar as the sun salutations, I felt disconnected from the practice and my mind began to wander, feeling the the stir of some emotions within me. With each breath I took in the asana I was in, there was a growing awareness of some surfacing emotions: anger, disappointment, indignity and the final punch - betrayal.

I began to doubt the good of having a morning practice when all it did was starting the day bad with all these negative vehemence raging within me. "How can I get over these old issues?" I asked myself, as I moved from Utthita Trikonasana to Parivrtta Trikonasana, "And where the hell do I place my hands in this pose? Do I have to bend the knees? Maybe, I should." And just I decided to shift my legs slightly backward with one of my hand up in the air and another on the mat, my body disaligned and I lost my balance.

"Ooopss..." and a thud as I landed with my buttocks on the floor, my legs sprawled in an awkward position under me, both back and front. But I was not injured, after checking myself. And the fall was not that hard as I remembered shifting my muscles and weight in that nifty second before I touched ground so that it would be a natural landing. "It would have looked graceful - if anyone had been looking." I joked to myself, and proceeded to pick myself up. I exerted strength on my hands and legs - still spreaded unglamourously beneath me - to haul myself off the floor. In an effortless move, I was up and steady again. Even I was amazed at how there had been some amount of swiftness and lightness in the movement. I checked myself again, "Amazing! No twisted ankle, back and neck. I'm good!"

I retracted into my standing position and got on my two feet to switch on my bed light to see how a proper Parivrtta Trikonasana should be done with my reference sheet. I attempted to try again, and mimicked the model in her position. And though not feeling as nimble as the lady in the picture, I swinged my hand upwards into position again, with my legs properly anchored on the floor (no need to bend the knees). And as I eased myself into the pose to hold for five breaths, these words suddenly came washing over me: Learn to fall - and pick yourself up - gracefully. You have the inner strength within yourself to do it.

The peace and bliss that flooded into my heart thereafter, was indescribable and incredulous. After finishing up the last two poses, I finally allowed myself to collapse and rest in Savasana. The revelation that came from the words that had popped from the morning practice, cleared up to become the answer that I had been seeking for the emotional bruise I had been nursing. It's alright to fall - physically, professionally and emotionally.  How we pick ourself up and recover from the fall is important. Every fall we take has a lesson behind it.  If we chose to ignore that lesson, we will fall again. So whenever we have a slip or fall, think of it as a lesson learnt. It happens to everyone, and it is up to us to make it graceful. And the way we pick ourself up gracefully is another level of our inner strength.    

The soreness and bruise I held, had been a fall that would have come similiar with a rejection. I suffered a blow in my ego and pride, and I was not gracious enough to admit there was nothing wrong in the situation and there was no need for a detailed explanation from anyone. The morning practice revealed to me that, each of us has the ability to accept a fall and pick ourself up gracefully with our inner strength. And the lesson from the emotional fall for me was, to gracefully bow out of a situation. It is the ability to recognise the grudge and bitterness I am holding onto will neither help me to move on nor forward, and much less, bring the odds to my favour. And just as being graceful means having the strength to pick myself up again when I fall, it also means having faith in myself that I am strong enough to bow out gracefully when need be.

I felt liberated from this realisation. Yes, the ego was injured, but other than that, the heart was not broken. So, let go of the expectations, let go of how l think things are supposed to be and most importantly, the attachment to the situation. Get over this victim mentality, and move on!

Pick up, and spring back to action!
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It was too late by the time he alerted me of the stone that lie in my path and I tripped over it. It was a stumble that if I know if I do not recover my footing, I could well land flat on the ground with a face-plant. A quick flumble of footwork and steps, and I managed to regain my balance miraculously. And except for the embarassing act in front of my peer, I was perfectly fine.

And before I knew it - upon regaining my composure - I threw back my head and let out a hard, LOUD laugh; the kind that comes from the gut, from being caught off guard and something totally hilarious. It was such a rush of adrenaline, to release such a raw, powerful and joyful emotion. Soon after, I heard him laughing along with me, a spontaneous deep-bellied one. And it felt good, and a wonderful way to bond.

Life is too short to take yourself too seriously. Don't be afraid to laugh at yourself, even if you have missed a footing.  

To make mistakes is human; to stumble is commonplace; to be able to laugh at yourself is maturity.
- William Arthur Ward

A Past I Didn't Know Of...

"Don’t let the past hold you back; you’re missing the good stuff." - Unknown

It is interesting that our past will show up even though I am more keen to look into the future.

We were chatting, and she suddenly asked me with her psychic intuition, "What is it about this older man who is in love with you?"

I looked at her with questioningly raised eyebrows, unsure of who she was referring to. I thought of him, but her subsequent questions carried more reference and relevance to you. 

And when I could not give her a more definitive answer of her questions and eventually telling her that the last relationship I had ended six years ago and we have not been in contact since, we decided to shrug those questions away, as she cautioned, "It's better that you continue to stay away..." Ringing another bell to you.

I could not get our conversation out of our mind. And so I asked her a few days later, "Who is the one (she) 'saw'?"

She had not wanted to tell me, knowing it was a baggage from the past for me. But I pressed on, feeling another pang in my heart.

And tears brimmed to my eyes immediately, when she confirmed that -

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It's you.

It never crossed my mind that it was you. For she used the word 'love', and it has never incurred to me that you felt so for me - when you had so vehemently  denied and cut me off so completely and heartlessly, so long ago...

I thought I always knew what our past had been. But suddenly, I don't feel I do... And perhaps, that's all for the better.

Reading the Signs

I did read you quite accurately, except that I did not know your sign well enough to identify you as one immediately.

My first impression of you, you are
Intelligent, zealous and irrepressible.

When I got both annoyed and amused by you, you are
Brash, proud and dogmatic.

And when I got a bit closer, you are
Serious, fair and thoughtful.

But when I can't get to you, you are
Aloof, haughty and distant.

I am a Taurus, and I sense a frustration that I can never keep up with you. And so I asked for your sign, curious to gain an insight of your personality. And you said, you are an Aquarius - the inventor with a quick mind.

It is said that there is no accident in life, that everyone you meet and attract, and everything you are put through are all for a reason. Taurus resists change and Aquarius is the most progressive of all 12 Signs of the Zodiac. I find this intriguing and revolutionary. 

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Perhaps, Aquarius can show Taurus how to keep striving for betterment - and how to move away from something if it isn't working, an important lesson for Taurus to learn.

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
- Anais Nin

Crash and Burn

Play. Be courageous. Let light shine in. Laugh at yourself. You deserve every positive word and caring act in the world.

I know I am not supposed to dwell on negative thoughts,

But there are days - like today - when it feels that
The world has turned its back on me.

I tried to speak positively to myself,

Be with myself,
Pay attention to my own thoughts.

But there is no denial when I realise
What I wish for most is
The solace from
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Crash and Burn.

感触

Strength, from the Legacy of the Divine Tarot

你的眼神有一种孤傲和倔强, 让人想用温柔与腕约来驯服...

Courage, for the Leap of Faith

When I know what I am capable of doing,
I become afraid of what I can do.
I even start to avoid what I know I like.

For there is doubts on making things possible,
And fears that I will fail and fall flat on my nose.
Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.

I gave excuses that time is not right.

The opportunity is not right.

I am not right.

But time and again,

They tell me, 

Change requires taking a Leap of Faith.

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So, jump?

“In every moment, the Universe is whispering to you. You’re constantly surrounded by signs, coincidences, and synchronicities, all aimed at propelling you in the direction of your destiny.”

– Denise Linn

Be the Change

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
- Gandhi 

One of my new year resolution for 2012 is "Be the Change you want to see in my own Life". That is to to create the life I want to live; to shape the world around me just by who I am, and how I am communicating. By the law of attraction, we DO have the power within ourselves to do so.

Along the path of a a budding yogi's practice journey, I came to "know" Paulo Coelho, a Brazilian lyricist and novelist. In a writeup of his writing career on Wikipedia, it was mentioned that "while trying to overcome his procrastination of launching his writing career, Coelho said, "If I see a white feather today, that is a sign that God is giving me that I have to write a new book." Coelho found a white feather in the window of a shop, and began writing that day.

I sniggered to myself upon reading this, and half-wished for God to give me the same sign. And as I walked home on the same evening, I saw a black, tattered feather lying in my path. I remembering holding my breath, before giving out a slow exhale. I looked up at the blue sky above me and mused, "God, this is a joke right?" But an answer came to me just as immediately, "You ask for a feather. THIS is a feather - though black and tattered, it IS still a feather." But I bargained, "No. If this is it, please give me a beautiful, white feather tomorrow to make it a CLEAR sign. If You can, let it snow white feathers (haha, I bet You won't)."

The next day, as I prepared to leave the house for an outdoor activity, I remember the silent exchange I had made with the Universe. And I quietened my mind to say, "God, if (this is the Life Purpose that You have wanted me to serve in this lifetime), please let me spot a beautiful, white feather on the ground today. While it will be surely be a dramatic effect to have white feathers snowing all over, I don't think it is really necessary now."

And guess what I saw at an organic vegetable farm I visited at Kluang today? Amidst the vast land of growing greens, the guide brought us to an area where they reared some fowls and rabbits. And as I roamed my eyes idly among the docile rabbits, there lie a single, beautiful white feather - almost peacefully - in the mid of the resting ground for the rabbits. "No, that feather looks too far away!" I proclaimed silently and turned to walk away in an attempt to deny the "offensive" feather - before spotting yet another white, tattered and tiny feather at my feet.

White, tattered and tiny. But still a feather. And I decided not to fight this anymore.     
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I was in Bali earlier in Feb this year, and I went to Ketut Liyer (the shot-to-fame medicine man from Eat, Pray, Love) for a palm and body reading. I laughed off most of what he said to me and had thought this was "just what I had read about him from the Internet". Until he said, this line (drawing a long, straight line down my right arm) says you are a writer, very good with computers, and publishing. You will be very, very successful.

"If you're finding white feathers, an angel is watching over you, to let us know they heard our prayers or to let us know that we're on the right path."

A Declaration to the Universe

Being inked was about giving myself permission to believe.

I hold a belief that tattoos can lead to dreams coming true.

Well, the tattoos themselves are not magic; rather it’s the vibration behind getting the tattoo that makes the difference.

It is a bold statement to demonstrate your commitment and belief, a strong declaration of our upcoming manifestations to the Universe.
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Wear your heart on your skin in this life.

Writing and Healing

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."
- Cyril Connolly

The written word has the power to heal.
It allows me to channel my emotions honestly.
It clears my doubts and put my thoughts into perspective.
It re-connects me to myself, through the assertive self-expression.

In an introspective mode lately, the frustration and moodiness that I had been brewing within me frizzed away like fast-escaping steam when the words "Writing and Healing" formed in my mind during a morning meditation. The comfort and relief from knowing they are now synonymous with one other is like finding the missing puzzle piece that I have been fumbling for all this while.
 

The egoistic me once said that I would never tell anyone I have a blog unless I have a huge pool of "blog fans". But now I know I am writing for myself and there is no need to worry about anything else. Rumi had said, “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” And so it is only right when I can affirm this:

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Writing is the Light that guides me home.